Ear Infection.

What better way to cure an earache than with a tiny, extra-long tube sock? 

Simply insert sock as far as possible into your ear canal, allow puss and earwax to build around it over time [preferably at least seven hours], finally, yank it out and PRESTO! No more painful infection!








And, hello there. Sorry I've been gone for so long. [Here now.] xx-enp 

Artists For Sale. [The King Lives.]

A once in a lifetime, super private, super ridiculous, badass show:

For a measly thousand bucks you can vend yourself one of the greats. After much consideration I chose Elvis. And along with a spectacular performance I received a handful of authentically gold, gold rings and a silk sash with some jeweled accents. It was pretty fucking awesome.   

Giraffe For Hire.

They ran out of boats so they had to send giraffes across the bay-- the commute just got sick. 

The New da Vinci? Doubtful.

I had the most delightful dream that I flew northbound from San Francisco. The Following illustrates how I flew. And please note, though it appears that the propeller is attached to my feet, it's actually affixed to the bottommost part of my 'fly-chair'. Also, yes, that is a plastic bag...

[Text Reads as follows:] 

Me flying. *Requires extreme arm strength, I was noticeably sore after my flight from San Francisco to Healdsburg (?). ? Might not have been Healdsburg, was possibly Sonoma. 

...Really cool shoes I bought after my flight. *The 'shoe store' was attatched [sic] to a large pearl factory/store & they had lots of unique shoes for reasonable prices. I believe I paid $50(ish) for these. 

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It really was a strange dream. Though the flying could have been potentially scary -in fact I almost flew into a moving train at one point- it was actually very peaceful. And for the record: I will make these shoes someday (Christian Louboutin eat your heart out). Also, I promise to stop taking plastic bags for granted as I now realize that they make perfectly lovely parachutes/wind-conductors. Who knew?