Ear Infection.

What better way to cure an earache than with a tiny, extra-long tube sock? 

Simply insert sock as far as possible into your ear canal, allow puss and earwax to build around it over time [preferably at least seven hours], finally, yank it out and PRESTO! No more painful infection!








And, hello there. Sorry I've been gone for so long. [Here now.] xx-enp 

New Zealand & Swimming Monks.

I climbed a mountain in New Zealand to find this:

The most vivid, surreal valley imaginable. It was slightly monet-ish with a sort of blurred multidimensionality. There were also swimming monks. I gathered that their mediation centered around constant swimming, as the water acted as a sort of spiritual enhancer. Trippy, right? I've never been to NZ, is this what I should expect? Hope so, that'd be rad.  

Artists For Sale. [The King Lives.]

A once in a lifetime, super private, super ridiculous, badass show:

For a measly thousand bucks you can vend yourself one of the greats. After much consideration I chose Elvis. And along with a spectacular performance I received a handful of authentically gold, gold rings and a silk sash with some jeweled accents. It was pretty fucking awesome.   

Toenail Clipper.

I can tell you from firsthand experience that it's pretty cool when your toenail clippings turn into butterflies right before your eyes. 

Aliens.

Electro-line-neon space crafty. [They're here.]

Holidayz'd.

Every year I purchase a handblown ornament from Neiman Marcus as a gift for my mother (we like to pretend we're fancy). This tradition is always fun because it requires a trip to Union Square, which is quite the holiday spectacle. 

Anyway. (In a dream that I recently had.)

I realized that I had waited too late to make my trip to Neiman's and as a result I wouldn't be able to bring the much coveted box-o-class to Christmas. In a panic, I thought long and hard how to appease/please/delight my darling momma. Alas--   

I crafted her an ornament. With some old broken bulbs and a little glue, tape, and staples -yes, staples-, I made a super bad-ass, one of a kind, Christmas heirloom. 

You're welcome, mom. It's really the least I could do. Really.     

Giraffe For Hire.

They ran out of boats so they had to send giraffes across the bay-- the commute just got sick.