Ear Infection.

What better way to cure an earache than with a tiny, extra-long tube sock? 

Simply insert sock as far as possible into your ear canal, allow puss and earwax to build around it over time [preferably at least seven hours], finally, yank it out and PRESTO! No more painful infection!








And, hello there. Sorry I've been gone for so long. [Here now.] xx-enp 

TEETH!

Dedicated to all the teeth dreams I've had over the years.

Alfred E. Newman's always owned 'em, why shouldn't I?

Mile High 'Clubbed': A Transnational Battle Royale.

1. A usual flight, until, "attention passengers, momentarily we will be conducting a Battle Royale. Your participation is required. Thank you in advance for cooperating." 

2. A Flight Attendant separated all the passengers into two groups. The stripes were given samurai swords and the solids were given daggers. 

3. We were all a bit apprehensive.   

4. Reluctance aside, I went in to battle. 

5. It got a little messy but the solids were easily defeated-- turns out I have mad samurai skills. 

6. After all was lost for the solids, the stripes were given refreshments and told that our flight would be landing shortly. I felt like a real badass. Nobody messes with the stripes! 

The Poisonous Botany.

I fell asleep after reading Amy Stewart's Wicked Plants: The Weed That Killed Lincoln's Mother & Other Botanical Atrocities and all night long my dreams were overwhelmed by Stewart's interesting shrubs, trees, flowers, etc. 

*If you've ever wanted to know how to nix someone (with plants), make them hallucinate (with plants), or, just give them really bad diarrhea (with, you guessed it, plants) then I recommend reading this book.

Snake Bite.

I was on Safari in Africa (?) when a corn-on-the-cob snake bit my right arm:  

Subsequently, I broke out in strange hives resembling swollen pustules, or rather, ready-to-pop pimples; it was more disgusting than terrifying. And although a snake bite is never really pleasant, I did enjoy the strangeness of it all. Twas' an adventure indeed (fucking corn-on-the-cob snakes).